The refugee – a fairy tale

A girl took a stroll down 6th avenue,

An investor saw the girl and the girl looked rich.

“Where are you going little girl? Wanna come to my penthouse office and invest in my Ponzi scheme?”

“It’s terribly kind of you, Mr. White Man, but no. I’m going to have lunch with a Refugee.”

“A refugee? What’s a Refugee?”

“A refugee! Can’t you see? They have terrible teeth and terrible breath, they live in a camp and loath food and water. They have terrible hair everywhere on their faces and even worse they all come from different races.”

“Different races?” said Mr. White Man as he jumped in a nearby Lyft, “Good-bye, little girl.”

“Silly white man, doesn’t he see? There’s no such thing as a refugee.”

On went the girl, she walked by a comedy club.
A comic saw the girl and the girl looked smart.

“Where are you going little girl? Want to come to my comedy club, buy 9 drinks and laugh at all my jokes?”

“It’s super nice of you Mr. Comedian but no, I’m going to have lunch with a refugee.”

“A refugee? Why bring him along, I need butts in our seats.”

“But Mr. Comedian you see, refugees have no sense of humor, they know not what’s funny.  They mope around their camps all day long… and they constantly cry “Boo-oohoo, we don’t have a country.”

“Where are you meeting this fun hating refugee?”

Right here by this club… and his favorite thing is to beg for our help.

“Beg for our help, oh no good-bye little girl.”

“Silly old Jew, doesn’t he know, there’s no such thing as a refugee.”

On went the girl through the Department of Motor Vehicle.

A snake like clerk saw the girl and told her to fuck off.

The girl continued to Penn Station. She sat on a bench and stretched out her legs.

An old goat carrying an old purse approached her and asked to give up her seat.

“It’s very nice of you to ask old goat, but even though I am young and healthy, my feet are tired and I feel the need to stay seated.”

The goat insisted as only goats know how.

“Fine,” said the girl “but you should know, I’m holding this seat for a refugee.”

“A refugee, what’s a refugee.”

“A refugee, why didn’t you hear? They’re terrorists and walk around with bombs in their hands, they steal your wallet and eat all your bread, they smile all the time but wish we were dead and all they hope for is for you to adopt them.”

“Oh my,” said the old goat terrified, “I’ve already paid my dues, I can’t raise anyone anymore.”

That night holding a bag filled with Organic Produce, the girl walked out of her local Whole Foods,

A shivering child crossed her path and explained:
“I am a refugee as tired as can be. I have fled the bombs and the war. I am all alone with no food nor cell-phone. I walked through the cold and the snow, I’m from a town called Aleppo. Would you be so kind and directed me to the International Refugee Committee?

The girl clutched her fruits as close as she could, she looked at the kid and the kid looked at her:

“Hey buzz off refugee, I’m late for yoga.”

The end.

More stories here

Sept. / Oct. Stand-Up Dates


Thur 9/15 – 10:15pm – The Block Party @ Experiment Comedy Gallery (272 Grand St, Basement Level, Brooklyn, NY 11211) 

Sat 9/17 – 8:30pm – Park Dope @ Muchmore’s (2 Havemeyer St, Brooklyn NY 11211) 

Wed 9/21 – 8pm – Jokelandish  402 15th St Oakland, CA 94612

Fri 9/23 – 7pm – UCLA

Tues 9/27 – 7:30pm – Tuesday »s Child on Wednesday – Moonlight cafe -634 Cortland Ave – SF

Thu 9/29 – 8pm – Pretty Funny Comedians who happen to be Female – 915 Columbus Avenue – SF

Nov 10 – 13 SF Punchline with Dana Gould (Yay) Check website for times – SF Punchline  444 Battery Street  | San Francisco, CA 94111